Fruit Loops

This is going to be a bit of a low blow. Talking about an Ex is never fun but in my case its freaking hilarious.

That was the first and last time I will ever put myself through the torture of a long distance relationship. You just never know what's coming back to you. People change!

I’ll start where it all went wrong cause that’s the only part I actually remember. While making travel plans to meet up in paradise, Fruit Loops couldn’t even get the simple concept of booking his hotel. All the travel arrangements were left up to me, which was already a big put off when a guy couldn’t take the initiative.

So after all the plans were made and booking was paid, for I was bombarded with emails harassing me and telling me to reply immediately over and over again, never mind the fact that I have a life and don’t spend every waking minute on my email, waiting to reply with anticipation. The closer the holiday got, the worse he got. The guy became needy and obsessive, it became an impossible situation. I was now dreading seeing him, all the excitement disappeared.

The last straw was emails I received and then decided to confront him.

Him: (Name), reply to your mail now
Him: I am still waiting for a reply (Name)
Him: Why are you not replying?

And all this within 1 hour. I was smsed, emailed and Facebooked several times, the worst part was there was nothing much to reply to. When I finally checked my mail I felt like I was being stalked by a one legged woman eating pansy boy. Does he have no shame or self-respect?

My reply was simple.

Me: Hi, I’m sorry, been busy with work and haven’t had a chance to get online, so stop obsessing, will be seeing you in a week.

His immediate response: DON’T USE THAT WORD, I hate it when people use that word, OBSSESSED! I’m not f*cking OBSESSED.

If that’s not crazy then I don’t know what is. What happened to the sexy, confident guy I met? Since when did he turn into a needy pink panty wearing drama queen. Real men don’t wear pink panties Fruit Loops. I knew then this was not going to work.. and told him, that we should rather go as friends and all have a good time.

The first time I saw him, I was in utter shock. In the 8 months that I haven’t seen him, I couldn’t believe that the tanned body of a God turned into, what can only be described as, saggy old man’s skin with droopy nipples and a boep, which he defended (lied) by saying he can't go a day without gym. I wish I was joking but I’m not. I have a picture to prove it. The amazing person that I am :), I still thought the best way to get through this holiday, was just being friends.

Every single day Fruit loops shocked with stupidity!

Fruit loops: I went shopping today and bought a new phone.
Me: oh nice what you get?
Fruit loops: Look.. (Pulls out a Nokia E Series)
Me: mmm.. very nice phone.

Later that day while lying by the pool tanning….

Fruit loops: I bought a Blackberry today
Me: No you didn’t. You bought a Nokia E Series
Fruit Loops: Oh Sh*t!! I’ve just made the biggest mistake of my life. I went to go buy a Blackberry (He actually thought he bought a Blackberry *gasp*)
Me: *Blank look on face* got up and jumped into the pool, Fruit loops followed (Why oh why.)

After my looong swim, well actually I spent 30 minutes drinking at the pool bar… I was in the water, so its technically considered swimming. Standing in the shallow end, about to get out, Fruit loops swims up to me. Stands next to me and just stares without saying a word.
After 5 minutes of silence, Fruit loops stretches his arms out and in the most high pitched voice says: “Hold meeeeeeee!!!!”

I was so shocked the first thing that came out of my mouth was: “Hell, No!”.

Fruit loops even bothered to ask why! My answer was half true: “I just don’t want to!”
(Never mind that you have lost all appeal you might or might not of once had) I'm almost certain that his brain has been eaten away by daily drug use, thats the only explanation i can think of.

After the pool confrontation, Fruit Loops checked out, never to be heard from again. He lasted 4 days in paradise which 2 of them was spent on the toilet with the sh*ts. I’m sure this was a very memorable holiday for him.

Me on the other hand had the best time of my life. Thailand, what a party paradise!

PS: Mr Difficult is still calling and smsing daily, apologizing and wanting to make plans for the weekend? What to do what to do?!

PPS: Met new Guy he’s a Chelsea supporter like me, I see a future already!