Indecent exposure

Be ready to laugh your ass off at what i have been getting up to recently!
Yes i do plan to book myself into the nearest mental hospital!

Last week is where it all goes wrong!! Car dude asked me out for dinner, so after annoying the crap out of him with what i thought were super funny jokes i said yes... (oh decided to meet him coz didn’t want him to know where i lived just in case he was a stalker or worse i didn’t want to see him again - had images of him breathing heavily outside my window) so ya decided to meet
him... took me forever to find the restaurant coz he gave me the wrong name... Not a very good sign of his intelligence. Finally got there and he actually seemed like a nice guy (and we all know I don’t do nice) we ordered a bottle of wine.. (he's not much of a drinker) so i ended up drinking the bottle plus a bit more and yip you guessed it tequila - it’s becoming my best friend... i become my alter ego the confident drunk! Dinner conversation was me laughing hysterically at my own jokes, while he sat there with a blank look on his face. Clearly not getting my sense of humour. I would have been better off talking to myself.
Well dinner was done... (in case u want to know what i ate, i had Alfredo - it had ham in it so had to pick it out one by one while Car dude laughed at me and probably thought I was mentally deranged) we ended up going to my car (oh I’m cringing while writing this) ended up smooching him for a very looong time, things got a bit heated and next thing I knew I sitting on top of him and my top was coming off... (all by itself, wasn’t me) all of a sudden the police drove up to catch us in the act.. i mean what the f*ck? Is someone up there against me getting some action? (All I can say is it’s been awhile) we ended up being harassed for like an hour and had to bribe them, isn't there any real crime in SA that needs solving... they wanted to arrest us for indecent exposure (have u ever?) Not one of my best moments flashing the police, but hey that’s what wine does to me especially when it’s in large quantities. Very embarrassing situation! Thanks to the corrupt South Africa police we got away with a R200 bribe (i paid it) if u think about it i paid R200 to take my own top off..!! wahahahaha - ok ok not a laughing matter...Now u know how he got the name Car dude! Got home at 2am... The next day was a blur, i couldn’t even put words together to create simple sentences! What I’ve learnt is that the effect wine has on my general safety knows no limits. I cannot be trusted. And hopefully what happens in the car park, stays in the car park. Along with my pride and dignity.

After this little unfortunate event, I have since found out that Car dude is a member at my gym, where I now run into him daily and am forced to come up with every excuse known to man to get away from him “Sorry I can’t chat my foot is bleeding and my shoe is filling up with blood” and make a run for it before he looks down. I have now discovered that he is an award winning douche bag!

PS: If he looks like a douche, he probably is a douche