I was an unfortunate participant in a 11 hour drinking marathon… My liver is crying from the abuse, my eyes are bleeding, I’m most probably still drunk but I wouldn’t know as I’ve reached the point where I can’t tell the difference. All I can taste is Patrone and that is after I have brushed my teeth 3 times. I can barely think yet alone put a proper sentence together. I am now just going to lie here and not think as I might just hurt myself.
I'm beginning to think i have Cenosillicaphobia - the fear of an empty glass, thats the only explanation i have for last night.
Ps: To the random guy, errr sorry I spilt my drink on you!
Friday, December 24, 2010
Gawd, they everywhere
The silly season is here and the constant partying has begun, since I don’t do suttle, as usual I went overboard… and how I know that is, when it was time to get to bed my room decided to play tricks on me, the walls were spinning and my bed was playing hide and seek with me. When I eventually found it I manage to drunk dial four people before spinning into sleep.
You know it’s going to be a good night when nothing goes to plan and you end up going with the flow.
Club 1
A mad house, was impossible to get drinks and dancing was like fighting your way through a bull run. Left after some guy ran up to us and gave us a huge bear hug that left my bones cracked.
Club 2 (the usual place)
The party was happening and outta control. The first thing I saw when I walked in was Ex BF number 1, next thing I saw was Ex BF number 2 and so on until all four Ex BF were seen. I seriously need to broaden my dating horizons, good thing I’m on speaking terms with most of them otherwise could of turned into a very awkward night.
The drinks were flowing and the arms were flapping and the men were easy, my cousin was caught between two Italian hotties who were adamant on a kiss so to make things fair she kissed them both, they were more than happy to oblige. I on the other hand have very little memory from that point onwards.
Legendary!!
Ps: Need to find an instant hangover cure and win the Nobel Peace Prize.
You know it’s going to be a good night when nothing goes to plan and you end up going with the flow.
Club 1
A mad house, was impossible to get drinks and dancing was like fighting your way through a bull run. Left after some guy ran up to us and gave us a huge bear hug that left my bones cracked.
Club 2 (the usual place)
The party was happening and outta control. The first thing I saw when I walked in was Ex BF number 1, next thing I saw was Ex BF number 2 and so on until all four Ex BF were seen. I seriously need to broaden my dating horizons, good thing I’m on speaking terms with most of them otherwise could of turned into a very awkward night.
The drinks were flowing and the arms were flapping and the men were easy, my cousin was caught between two Italian hotties who were adamant on a kiss so to make things fair she kissed them both, they were more than happy to oblige. I on the other hand have very little memory from that point onwards.
Legendary!!
Ps: Need to find an instant hangover cure and win the Nobel Peace Prize.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Naturally a disaster
The thing about long, busy weeks is that you tend to go overboard on the weekend. And that is exactly what i intended to do, unsuccessfully might I add.
The Sexy cousin and I decided to see how our usual club is doing. All excited, cause I haven’t been out in weeks with her, due to a “big deal” exam. I made a huge fuss and took a ridiculously long time to get ready. Looking pretty good and feeling confident, we were ready for the night to begin. The forces of nature were definitely against us, the pouring rain managed to soak us both. By the time we got to the club, we looked like we had swam in the sewer and, to make things worse, I started feeling nauseas and was on the verge of passing out before I even had my first drink – have you ever! Being the tough one that I am, I tried to stick it out. Smiling became a painful chore, breathing was next to impossible and, due to the tightness of my dress, I was trying everything to keep myself from passing out from the lack of oxygen to the brain and other important body parts.
Attempting dancing wasn’t the greatest of ideas. My head, having a mind of its own, started spinning. On top of that my “I’m a dying fish” dancing moves, due to losing all feeling in my arms and legs, must have looked like I was a complete alcoholic that just came out of rehab and decided to celebrate. We called it quits after being followed around the dance floor by three crazy chicks drunker than I wasn’t.
The next night went a whole lot better, feeling like myself again. I partied till some ridiculous hour, contemplated body shots and thankfully decided against it, instead I made it my mission to pick up The Looker next to me and insisted we do shots.
Today I’m back at work and miss the weekend already. Oh how quick it passes!
The Sexy cousin and I decided to see how our usual club is doing. All excited, cause I haven’t been out in weeks with her, due to a “big deal” exam. I made a huge fuss and took a ridiculously long time to get ready. Looking pretty good and feeling confident, we were ready for the night to begin. The forces of nature were definitely against us, the pouring rain managed to soak us both. By the time we got to the club, we looked like we had swam in the sewer and, to make things worse, I started feeling nauseas and was on the verge of passing out before I even had my first drink – have you ever! Being the tough one that I am, I tried to stick it out. Smiling became a painful chore, breathing was next to impossible and, due to the tightness of my dress, I was trying everything to keep myself from passing out from the lack of oxygen to the brain and other important body parts.
Attempting dancing wasn’t the greatest of ideas. My head, having a mind of its own, started spinning. On top of that my “I’m a dying fish” dancing moves, due to losing all feeling in my arms and legs, must have looked like I was a complete alcoholic that just came out of rehab and decided to celebrate. We called it quits after being followed around the dance floor by three crazy chicks drunker than I wasn’t.
The next night went a whole lot better, feeling like myself again. I partied till some ridiculous hour, contemplated body shots and thankfully decided against it, instead I made it my mission to pick up The Looker next to me and insisted we do shots.
Today I’m back at work and miss the weekend already. Oh how quick it passes!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Rough Ride
To my fellow motorists from this morning.
Sweet little granny
Move out the way, you old fart! This is the fast lane, meaning - please drive faster than 40km and if you are going to stall at every robot, you should not be driving you, old hag! I know fossils younger than you!
Lady in BMW on phone
If you actually spent half the time concentrating on the road than your phone, I’m sure your car wouldn’t look like it just came out of the bumper cars final and lost. Green means - Go!!! You proceeded to wait at a green robot and drive on red. Those signs at robots that say “wait for green” were made especially for you!
Taxi
I can still smell the rubber from my tyres, after having to brake like a crazy mad cow. Yes I do enjoy testing my brakes to see if they are in proper working order, and yes I did want a stiff neck for the rest of the day. Your magnificent driving skills are a blessing to us all, you as$hole!
Pamphlet guy
No I dont want a f*cking pamphlet.
Rough week, That is all.
Ps: Im going to be drinking stupid amounts of alcohol, dancing like I just escaped from a mental home, singing the wrong words to every song and smootching a random who’s name I won’t be remembering tomorrow.
Here’s to a great weekend.
Sweet little granny
Move out the way, you old fart! This is the fast lane, meaning - please drive faster than 40km and if you are going to stall at every robot, you should not be driving you, old hag! I know fossils younger than you!
Lady in BMW on phone
If you actually spent half the time concentrating on the road than your phone, I’m sure your car wouldn’t look like it just came out of the bumper cars final and lost. Green means - Go!!! You proceeded to wait at a green robot and drive on red. Those signs at robots that say “wait for green” were made especially for you!
Taxi
I can still smell the rubber from my tyres, after having to brake like a crazy mad cow. Yes I do enjoy testing my brakes to see if they are in proper working order, and yes I did want a stiff neck for the rest of the day. Your magnificent driving skills are a blessing to us all, you as$hole!
Pamphlet guy
No I dont want a f*cking pamphlet.
Rough week, That is all.
Ps: Im going to be drinking stupid amounts of alcohol, dancing like I just escaped from a mental home, singing the wrong words to every song and smootching a random who’s name I won’t be remembering tomorrow.
Here’s to a great weekend.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Super glue, it's just super
Had a nightmare of a day and, to make things worse, my shoe strap broke off. I could of spent the rest of the day limping, but chose not to. So went hunting around to find something to fix my little problem. With no luck I was getting desperate, that’s when I can across some super glue. After thinking it through, I decided that was my best option.
So I put my foot up and went straight to work, super gluing the strap back on. It looked almost perfect… that is until I realized, I had just super glued my shoe to my foot..!! Frantic I tried getting my shoes off, it was definitely stuck. I had images of wearing the same shoe forever. I pulled, tugged and scrapped till I managed to rip half my skin off along with the shoe.
Lesson learnt, they weren’t lying when they called it super!! And I'm not really good at thinking things through!!
So I put my foot up and went straight to work, super gluing the strap back on. It looked almost perfect… that is until I realized, I had just super glued my shoe to my foot..!! Frantic I tried getting my shoes off, it was definitely stuck. I had images of wearing the same shoe forever. I pulled, tugged and scrapped till I managed to rip half my skin off along with the shoe.
Lesson learnt, they weren’t lying when they called it super!! And I'm not really good at thinking things through!!
Racing to the bar
Thanks to another blog I read, I won tickets to the VIP Neo Africa at the Sansui Summer Cup, not so much VIP but definitely was a fun day… Dressed to kill the first thing we did, was familiarize ourselves with the bars. It’s very important to stay hydrated on a hot day!
We started off by the track - drink in one hand, camera is the other - trying to take pictures of horses, when they run past isn’t easy. All I got, was a few butt shots and someone’s head that got in the way. Since we all know that I have absolutely no interest in racing, it was time for another refill. And another and another, which by then I had already developed my 5th personality.
After a stupid number of drinks it’s inevitable that you’re going to have to go to the toilet at some stage, in my case it was a porter potty. Out of all the porter potty’s I chose the one on a slope. It’s bad enough that’s is gross and you try avoid touching anything, but this potty thought it would be fun to add no lights to my situation. Balancing in there was next to impossible, one foot against the wall was all I could manage. Climbing out was even harder than getting in, my heels slipping all over the plastic floor while I was trying to unlock the door, which of course by default would get stuck. I ended up pulling it so hard that the door flipped open and out I fell. Horrified, I yelled: “Surprise!”
When I got back, the fashion show had already started. It was all black bra’s and no shirts, the designer must of been going through the “I am morbid phase” I don’t call it fashion if you aren’t actually wearing anything. The guys, that we were enjoying drinks with, seemed to appreciate it more than me. They ran to get a better view and weren’t seen or heard from until the show ended… Ahh men you got to love them!
PS: Drinks, heels and grass are a definite No- No, makes you look drunker than you are.
We started off by the track - drink in one hand, camera is the other - trying to take pictures of horses, when they run past isn’t easy. All I got, was a few butt shots and someone’s head that got in the way. Since we all know that I have absolutely no interest in racing, it was time for another refill. And another and another, which by then I had already developed my 5th personality.
After a stupid number of drinks it’s inevitable that you’re going to have to go to the toilet at some stage, in my case it was a porter potty. Out of all the porter potty’s I chose the one on a slope. It’s bad enough that’s is gross and you try avoid touching anything, but this potty thought it would be fun to add no lights to my situation. Balancing in there was next to impossible, one foot against the wall was all I could manage. Climbing out was even harder than getting in, my heels slipping all over the plastic floor while I was trying to unlock the door, which of course by default would get stuck. I ended up pulling it so hard that the door flipped open and out I fell. Horrified, I yelled: “Surprise!”
When I got back, the fashion show had already started. It was all black bra’s and no shirts, the designer must of been going through the “I am morbid phase” I don’t call it fashion if you aren’t actually wearing anything. The guys, that we were enjoying drinks with, seemed to appreciate it more than me. They ran to get a better view and weren’t seen or heard from until the show ended… Ahh men you got to love them!
PS: Drinks, heels and grass are a definite No- No, makes you look drunker than you are.
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